Australia is a big country. Huge. So I kinda expect logistics to be a bit tougher than in our smaller European countries. However, home delivery in Australia is a novel, special experience. I would urge everyone to try it at least once. Let me recount my recent episode with Milan Direct, ‘Australia’s largest online furniture company’…
“Hi mate, it’s Milan Direct, I’m delivering your furniture today…”
[driver burps really loudly into phone]
“Yep..”
“I’m just on your street now, Bennett street right?”
“No, Carter Street… 15 Carter Street”
“Oh.. yeah, near Bennett street though innit?”
“Erm… I don’t think so, have you got sat nav?”
“Yep”
“Can you just use that then…?”
“Ah, too easy mate, I see you, you’re wearing a green shirt right?”
“No, I’m in my house, waiting for you…”
“Oh shit, I think I’ve gone too far down the road then, I’m at 98 Carter Street…”
“Ok, well can you turn round?”
“Your house is definitely on Carter street mate?”
“Are you serious?”
“I didn’t see 15 when I drove down…”
“Well, I can assure you my house is stationary, it’s not shapeshifting to throw you off guard…”
“Can you see me mate? Silver merc van?”
“No, I’m in my house… I don’t normally wait in the street..”
[I decide to go wait in the street and hang up… 5 minutes later the silver merc van turns up]
“Hi, nice to meet you bro, does everyone find it hard to find your house?”
“No”
“Ah right, well can you give me a hand with the boxes? I’m on my own”
“Really? Ok, sure but can we take them out the back?”
“Wouldn’t do that bro, it’s definitely gonna rain!”
“It’s outdoor furniture…”
“Yeah, exactly don’t wanna get it wet!”
“It’s outdoor furniture…”
[driver starts hurling boxes onto the street]
“Are these your boxes bro?”
“I dunno, you tell me…?”
“Well did you order big stuff? These are big boxes…”
“You sell furniture, I would imagine everything is pretty big…”
[Driver hurls last box onto street]
“Anyway, bro, I’m really sorry, I gotta go, I’m really late… you’ll be ok… they is well light…defo gonna rain, man”
At the point my new friend left me to unpack the giant boxes in the street and carry the items round to my backyard. To be honest, I was sad to see him go. At first, I obviously thought he was a complete moron (he obviously is) but it was a special experience. I was no longer a customer… he was just that mate everyone has, the one they don’t really like, doing me a favour.
I also know what you’re thinking… was he right? Did it rain? No, of course it didn’t, it was a lovely sunny afternoon. However, I like to think my new friend is out there now, looking aimlessly at his sat nav, hurling boxes into the street, telling everyone that it is gonna rain…. and one day it surely will… and on that day he will be King.
Grumblings of a Yorkshireman 