F*cking Tapas

Posted: February 17, 2015 in Uncategorized

tapas (1)mini burrito

I like Spain. I like the weather obviously, I like the cities, I like the beaches, I like the beer, I like the people.  But, I f*cking hate tapas.

I am baffled by tapas’ unrelenting world-wide popularity as more and more restaurants opt to serve up ‘small plates’. My first issue with tapas is that I hate sharing my food.  I’m British and therefore painfully polite. I will always offer everyone, everything before myself.  This means in tapas world, I either end up hungry as I don’t eat enough, or I end up eating copious amounts of what is left, which usually means having aubergine as my main meal.

Secondly, tapas is a fundamentally lazy cuisine.  While other cuisines have to consider what makes a good, complete dish, tapas can’t be bothered.  The result is a nice bit of chorizo that doesn’t complement your calamari, that doesn’t complement your roasted vegetables.

Thirdly, tapas is hard work.  In other cuisines, you get a nice dish put in front of you, ready to enjoy. In tapas you have to pass round the stupid little plates taking a little bit of this, a little bit of that, whilst spilling tomato sauce all over yourself.  Tapas is like a posh buffet and I despise buffets.

Fourthly, tapas is expensive.  For some reason making everything smaller costs more.  You need at least three plates and most cost the same as a normal main.

Finally (and most depressingly) tapas is a parasite taking over other cuisines.  In recent years, I’ve seen Thai, British, French and Mexican cuisines all adopting a small plate approach.  This is a disaster. I don’t think I can live in a world with a mini burrito, it’s an oxymoron.

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