Umbrellas – proof that Scientists are lazy

Posted: February 27, 2015 in Uncategorized

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Apparently, everyone hates rain.  I don’t.  I quite like rain.  It’s ideal if you fancy an afternoon nap, or if you want to watch the entire Star Wars saga (except episode 1) without feeling guilty for not leaving the house. However, I do hate rain when I have to go out in it.  That’s not because I hate getting wet, I’m not a cat (I wish I was).  It’s because I’ll need to carry an umbrella…

Umbrellas are proof that scientists are lazy.  The umbrella has not advanced since Samuel Fox invented the steel ribbed umbrella (wikipedia) in 1852.  I have several gripes with the umbrella.  My main problem is that they are disabling. Trying to commute to work with an umbrella is a nightmare.  You have to close it, wrap it up, then you get piss wet through anyway as you desperately try to use your little finger to get your oyster card out.  It’s like when you have to hold your mate’s pint in the pub.

My second problem with umbrellas is that they are lethal.  As my friend Alex pointed out, it would be fine if we were all the same height but then when someone short (like our friend Brad) comes down the road, you’re in serious danger of losing an eye.

My third problem with umbrellas is that they are impossible to retain. You only remember your umbrella if you have the visual reminder of the rain.  If you happen to enter a building when it’s raining and leave when it’s not, your umbrella stays in said building.  You then have to buy another umbrella.

Finally, they only work in rain but not wind and rain.  Unfortunately, where there’s rain, there’s always wind.  Therefore, they are actually completely ineffective.

So, I know what you are thinking: “Well, why don’t you stop moaning and come up with something better!”.  There are two key reasons for that.  One, I don’t know how to build anything.  I can’t even put pictures up in my house.  Two, it’s not my job. Scientists are far too lazy, it’s the main reason why we don’t have Back To The Future hover boards, which is also completely unacceptable.  In fact, the same technology that could power a hover board could probably provide a protective blast of air against the rain.  Two birds one stone! Crack on scientists!.. thank me later.

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