How to spot and repel the Email Offender

Posted: January 30, 2015 in Uncategorized

Screen Shot 2015-01-30 at 11.57.42 am copyi-love-email

Everyone has a colleague who has a love affair with email.  The aim of the Email Offender is to send emails with the aim of getting as many emails back as possible, so that they can a) feel useful b) completely waste their day.  The good news is that it’s quite easy to spot an Email Offender, their typical behaviour includes:

1. Sending an email with everyone ccd.  Email Offenders love doing this, it means that they get at least six responses back, which they can then respond back to (cc.ing everyone in again of course).  The problem for you is that you suddenly now have 20 emails to open, read and delete, which completely ruins your workflow.

2. They always reply. They can’t help it, they’ll try anything to get another email.  Typical emails you’ll get back from an Email Offender include banal statements like “thanks”, “ok”, “sure”, emails that provide no value whatsoever.

3. Sending an email that can’t be solved by email.  This is another trick by Email Offenders – they will send out a problem that can’t possibly solved by email.  For example, “Hey team! What do you think our company proposition should be?” Cue, a whole barrage of emails – a result for the Email Offender.  When the problem can’t be solved over email, the Email Offender will then employ it’s nuclear weapon – the team meeting! For an Email Offender, a team meeting is like a wet dream, a chance to witness live, everyone wasting their time.

To survive the Email Offenders trappings, follow these simple rules:

1. Never reply unless absolutely necessary

2. If you do reply, do not ask any questions 

3. If they respond (they will) do not reply

More extreme options include:

1. Move their emails directly into spam

2. Write “please do not reply” at the foot of your email (they will still reply).  

I hope this article helps you avoid the trappings of the Email Offender.  On the other hand, if you are reading this and you’re thinking “Shit, I might be an Email Offender” then it’s not too late to change your ways…  Just please don’t send an email to everyone saying you’re sorry for sending so many emails (another trick of the Email Offender).

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Comments
  1. Adam Outlaw says:

    not seen these before- pure genius. Although I think you have too much time on your hands!

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