love sex, hate condoms (always read the label)

Posted: February 23, 2012 in Uncategorized


A recent outdoor advertising campaign carried the strapline: ‘love sex, hate condoms’.  My friend (let’s call her Josie) was driving her scooter when she saw the ad mounted on a bilboard.  It made an impression. Not only did she nearly crash,  but it made her want to buy these new wafer- thin condoms.  Now, buying condoms isn’t a problem for a stallion like me.  I just pick them up, wink at the cashier (doesn’t matter if they’re male or female) and stride out with them – I don’t need a bag, I’ve nothing to hide.  In fact, sometimes as I’m leaving, I’ll shout: “hey everybody, look at me!  I’m getting laid tonight!!”.  Now, not only is that completely untrue but my friend Josie is… well, a little more reserved than me.  Here’s a lesson in what can happen when stores don’t label things clearly…

The advert had been playing on Josie’s mind every day and as she strolled through the pharmacy aisle at Waitrose, she sneaked a glance at the family planning shelf and trembled at what she saw….  The ‘Mate’s new skyn’ condoms were on special offer!  (Sorry for going all Mills and Boon here).  Josie had to have them and seeing that the coast was clear, tossed (minds out of the gutter) them into her basket.   Carefully concealed from other shoppers under her box of Alpen, all she had to do now was pay and get out of the supermarket.  Like an acrophobic on a roller-coaster, Josie closed her eyes when the cashier picked up the fun gloves and then quickly put them in her shopping bag.  Phew! Job done.

Err…. not quite. On leaving the store Josie noticed that she’d been charged full price for her special item – £3 more than advertised!!  What would you do? Yes, you’d forget about it, as we all would…  But, inexplicably, Josie turned back! She marched up to customer service and informed the gentleman (had to be a guy) that she’d been over-charged for her passion tubes.  Fortunately, the guy was more embarrassed than Josie and pointed towards a female colleague to help.  Poor Josie had to explain again to a middle-aged woman that she’d been over-charged for her private love socks.  Embarrassment_all_round.  Together they walked to the asile, where Josie righteously pointed out the ‘special offer’ promotion…

“No dear, that offer relates to the normal ones, not the special skin ones.  Would you like to swap them?”

But Josie didin’t want to swap them.  She wanted to get out of the store as quickly as humanly possible.  So, I guess the moral of the story is never buy condoms.  Or, always read the label properly? Or, never complain when you think you’ve been ripped off? I’m not sure what the moral of the story is but all I will say is that the condoms were black and gold and it didn’t say that in the advert! That’s it!  The moral is never trust anything you see in an advert!


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